total recall

i know a lot of you (as if there are any) aren't going to like what i'm proposing, but, whatev. i am calling for a referendum on beards. people love to complain about the body hair on the women in this town. what's more frightening and more in your face (literally his) is facial hair on the men of asheville. short guys, tall guys with manicured facial hair or bushy beards i hate 'em all. let me just take a page from the ny yankees organizational rule book: no beards, chops, goatees, van dykes and the like. the only thing even permissible is the mustache, and no man my age can be taken seriously with a stash. i could almost pose that same seriousness about beards, but i won't allow it. nope.